It doesn’t need to be this hard, does it?

I work full time and I have full time management of B.R.’s care and schooling which is a full time job in itself.  Yesterday I worked 8 hours, attended a school open house, toured another school and attended a support group meeting where there was a speaker from OCECD.  I LOVED the one school and thought it would be perfect for my son.  S.U.P.E.R. Learning Center.  Every kid is different so it may not be for every kid but I thought it would be a great fit for my son.  I come home finally at 9 o’clock at night all excited about the new school and the information I got at the support group and then it all goes to hell when I walk in the door.  First I check his pill case out of habit since I didn’t give him his pills personally.  It wasn’t my day, I went to work early.  I want to scream right then, I had text the caregiver and reminded them.  Really, is it that hard?  Put his pills by him.  Say “take your pills”.  Come back 10 minutes later and remind him again, usually he takes them the second time.  But at least half the time the other family members forget.  WHY?!?!  Do I really have to do everything?  My job is really stressful and it is hard enough without having a special needs kid.  Little help?  Anyone?  So I am aggravated but I know I just have to suck it up and move on.

So then I try to talk to my son about the potential school.  Originally I was just looking for a back up plan.  For the day that he comes home and says “I hate school”  and things like “I don’t want to go back.”  The day that I too am done arguing with the school.  That day happened last year, a few times actually, but I had no plan.  I had thought about home schooling him but I wasn’t sure how the bills would get paid.  Minor detail.  So I decided I really needed a viable plan B.  So I went to the school and it actually seemed like a good plan A.  B.R. starts wailing “why can’t I go to school with my friends?”  Oh geez, I swear he came home mutliple times with heartbreaking stories about how he didn’t sit with his friends at lunch or someone wasn’t talking to him anymore.  I am really dreading the first day of school when no one sits with him or the school is just too big.  But no he wants to go there.  I could cry.  Oh wait, I did.  Not sure crying makes anything better but I went up to my room and did it anyways because I just needed that time to myself.  Then I get a text from my husband that B.R. is downstairs crying because he wants to go to school with his friends.  And that he wished he had never been diagnosed.  Sigh.  The school sent him home all the time when he didn’t have the Asperger’s diagnosis.  The only thing the Asperger’s diagnosis did is help me find an appropriate school and make him eligible for the Autism Scholarship.  Receiving the diagnosis didn’t make it so I all of a sudden thought we needed a plan, it just made the plan more clear.  I can’t talk him in to going.  All I can do is tell him of course he can go to school with his friends but now we have an option for when he decides it isn’t working.  Which apparently also upset him.  I can’t win.  At the public school he will not get the treatment he deserves.  I will fight every day for him and then I will still have to go pick him up because of a meltdown.  It will be me.  No one else can do it.  All I can hope for is that he does well at the public school but I guess I should feel good knowing I found the appropriate placement if it doesn’t work out.


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