My Dad

I had every intention of writing about how every day I hold my breath until 2:40 PM.  But then I got I read the post on Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid’s page.  Love that page and need to buy that book.  The post asked who you would spend a day with if you could spend the day with anyone, past or present.  I immediately thought of my dad.  I don’t pretend to know the cause of Autism since so many scientists are still trying to figure it out but I do feel genetics have to play a part in it.   I often wonder if he would have been diagnosed with Asperger’s.

He was quirky, stubborn and brilliant.  He was brilliant but hated school so bad he crawled out a window and walked home the first day of school.  He never went to college but was able to work in a factory.  He was one of the most productive people there.  He talked occasionally to people at work but he never had a friend outside of work.  It is amazing he ever got married.   One of his few past times included playing a form of solitaire that he made up.  I really don’t know what was involved but I remember dice and him keeping notebooks of what the dice roll was?  Not really sure, I never asked.  I would love to ask now because my son is a pattern thinker.  I know there was something with calendars and how he was obsessed with how they repeated themselves, wish I could ask about that too.  He loved to watch TV shows about science and he subscribed to various science magazines.  I was already well versed in the theory of relativity by the time I reached high school because I had watched all of the shows with him.

He hardly did anything for himself. My mother did all of the cooking, cleaning, and everything else that needed to be done.  I remember he would come home from work and announce his car was getting low on gas.  My mother would then take the car to the gas station to get his gas for him.  My husband still talks about when I was in college they bought me a car.  My mom and I went to pick out the car and took care of everything.  My mom drove my dad up just to sign the papers for the loan.  My husband remembers my dad couldn’t talk to the people at the car dealership.  When he was done signing the papers he went outside to smoke until we were ready to leave.  At the time I hadn’t even noticed because that was how my life always was.

I remember quite vividly wandering around Toronto with my parents looking for an “acceptable” place for him to eat.  I remember being sooo irritated at the time.  At home we always went to the same restaurant and he always ordered the same thing.  My mom made the same dinners all the time.  We just followed the same routines all the time, and I was never allowed to complain about it.  He would blow up about things that didn’t seem to be a big deal.  It used to drive me crazy and as a kid I never understood.

I didn’t understand a lot of things.  I never understood why he never hugged me or showed affection.  It used to really hurt me and  never understood.  I thought it was something that I had done.    My dad died of a sudden heart attack when I was 7 months pregnant.  He was really looking forward to my son being born.  I wish we could have one more day with him.  I know everyone wishes for one more day with a loved one.  But I think of him so much now since my son is like him in so many ways.  I wonder if they would get along.  I wonder if he would have advice for me on how to help my son.  I have so many questions for him to try to understand more about how he thinks.   It pains me to think about how I wasn’t always compassionate with him.  I just didn’t know.


  1. […] my mom for dinner. My mom seems to be the least judgemental of my son. I think this is because my dad was an aspie and we both learned to just go with whatever […]

  2. […] also have posted how I am certain my father was an Aspie. That was easy for me to conclude and my mom has always told me that we are exactly alike. And yes […]

  3. […] my grandparents & I always considered that the church I grew up in.  My dad (100% sure he was undiagnosed aspie) would not go to church.  I know he grew up going to church but he refused to go as an adult.  He […]

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