Forgiveness for our kids

Our kids make mistakes sometimes.  Even if they don’t have Asperger’s or another disability they make mistakes.  But especially our kids make mistakes when they are trying so hard to learn to regulate emotions.  My son went to a christian elementary school which wasn’t the best idea but I didn’t know of his diagnoses and what supports were needed.  He really struggled and few people understood.  Unfortunately he lashed out at the other kids the last year or so at that school.  Sometimes the kids probably deserved it but sometimes he really did just lash out.  It became an unfortunate situation and we ended up leaving the school for the public school.  This enabled him to get the supports he needed and to have a much needed fresh start.  He has worked REALLY hard to stop doing that and it is only an issue on rare occasions.

I knew there was a potential for some of the kids from his elementary school to attend his high school.  The christian school only went up to 8th grade and then the kids split up to go to wherever since they did not have an affiliated high school. This was one of the things I was worried about.  I informed my son that they may be at his high school.  He stated (I swear) that it was okay they probably matured and if they didn’t he just wouldn’t talk to them.  Okay that sounds like a great plan but I wonder what will really happen.  At one of the meetings at the school the Geometry teacher asked if he wanted to know what freshmen were going to be in his class since there would only be a few.  She read off the list and K.R. was on the list.  My son’s face lit up.  K.R. was one of his good friends in elementary school but he hadn’t talked to him since he left the school.  It ended pretty bad there.  My son then said to me “Do you think he has forgiven me for kicking him?”

Oh boy.  I remember that day quite clearly.  My son had been invited to a birthday party at the local bowling alley.  Lots of noise + competition with his peers = bad outcome.  He was 10 and as much as I wanted to say no he was begging me to let him go.  We went and I stayed just to be sure everything went okay.  Right.  While we were sitting there during the party, in a blink of the eye, my son kicked K.R.  My son kicked his shin so hard it left a huge scrape down his shin.  All of the parents were nice at the time and said “boys will be boys”.  We left with my son upset because he didn’t mean to hurt K.R.  My son explained he just became upset because the kids were taunting him about bowling or something.  They had all been taunting each other but at this time my son was still struggling to understand this.  I remember that day I was devastated.  He didn’t have the diagnosis at the time and I couldn’t understand why he didn’t understand the social interactions that the other kids did.  It all makes sense now.  His experience at school pretty much went down hill from there.  None of the parents called us when we left a year later and I was too embarrassed and angry to call any of them.  According to the principal a lot of the parents started complaining about his behavior issues.  The whole school was horrible and not very christian like to him at the end.  Most of the parents seemed understanding to me but I just couldn’t be sure anymore.  And now K.R. was going to be in his Geometry class.  I told my son that K.R. seemed like a nice kid and I was sure he would forgive him.  I said a silent prayer.

If you have read my blog you know that so far there have been no issues at the school so at least he didn’t kick K.R. again.  Yay God listened and answered my prayer.   I asked my son the first day and K.R. is also in band with him and they are friends.  To my son “friend” can mean a lot of things.  We try to review periodically “acquaintance” aka “friend at school” vs “friend” vs “good or true friend” but sometimes he still gets it wrong.   I am super excited to report that K.R. must have forgiven him.  I think he may even really be a “friend”.  The one day I came home and I heard him saying his first name while playing online.  He has lots of “online friends”, that is actually the biggest category LOL so I wasn’t sure that it was K.R.  Until later when my son randomly walked in my room and very excitedly said “K.R. has a PSN account and even plays COD”.  (PSN= Play Station Network, COD= Call of Duty) “That is awesome”  Now I have to pray that the parents are also as forgiving.

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