The War on Homework


Life would be so much better if he never had homework.  He got in the car yesterday and told me he had homework in Geometry, Science and Language Arts.  He has homework in Geometry every day and usually he gets most of it done in class so I figure that one is no big deal.  I ask about Science and it is the same homework from yesterday but he forgot his book again.  We could go back in but his locker is a about a mile from the parking lot. Plus he has a doctors appointment in 10 minutes that we will be late for even if I leave right now from the school.  I make an executive decision- FORGET IT.  It is on his IEP for him to have extra books at home and they assured me they will have them to us by Friday.  Having those extra books is so critical for him.  The only reason he is keeping up in Geometry is because we spent a lot of time with that teacher the day before school started and I asked her for a book.

He gets a little upset about the science book and so I tell him not his fault so he doesn’t get upset.  If he gets upset the whole night is shot.  So I ask about the language arts assignment.  He becomes chatty and tells me he has to write a paragraph about his favorite season and I smile.  He starts getting excited telling me about how everyone else picked summer but guess what he picked winter.  I would have never guessed.   He is backwards from most people and stays inside in the summer and rushes outside to play in the snow when it is winter.

The doctor appointment is just a check up with the pediatrician, all goes well there.  We fly through a drive thru for dinner and then we get home at a decent time- 4:00 PM.  So I tell him we will start homework at 6:00 PM and he agrees.  His friend K.R. gets online around 5:00-5:30 and I decide to give him some extra time with him.  My son actually starts asking him where he sits in the cafeteria but then explains he sits in his casemanager’s room.  I tell him K.R. would be allowed to eat in the room with him.  So my son asks K.R. to do that.  I hope he does and that may encourage my son to try to go to the cafeteria.  Even if just to buy milk or dessert or something.  I tell my son to finish at 6:30, of course he is in the middle of something then and it ends up being 7:00 PM.

We go downstairs to start on the homework and the Geometry homework appears mostly done but the assignment isn’t written on the top of the page.  He says that is okay he knows what page in the book but then he says he doesn’t know what problems and asks me to email the teacher.  He starts to get upset that he forgot the assignment.  Oh crap.  I suggest he go ask K.R. because he is in his class.  He says he doesn’t have his number.  Well go get online and talk however you talk to him.  Or (and here is where I make my fatal mistake) we could do other homework and I start to ask him about a different assignment written in his assignment book.  I am stupid because this just causes him to wail about “I just don’t know anymore”.  Oh double crap he is going over the edge.  Okay Okay just go ask K.R. about Geometry.  He asks for a few minutes and he has that wounded puppy look on his face.  I say (again a mistake)  hurry and go ask him before he gets offline.  Another wail and he starts flailing his legs.  So I say “Okay I am sorry” and walk out of the room.  He says give him five minutes.

K.R. is not online anymore when he finally calms down and checks.  I say “that it is okay and we could do the other homework instead”.  He says he needs time and starts watching You Tube.  I push and say “No, I gave you extra time with K.R. I need you to work now”  He yells “Stop”.  I start to become aggravated but decide to walk away and come back in about 5-10 minutes.  Now when I come back and I ask him about anything I get “I don’t know” or “Go Away”.  I try to reason with him about doing his homework and eventually he escalates to my favorite “I DON”T CARE” and “LEAVE ME ALONE”.  I start to panic.  I try to guess where his head is and say something about how it is okay about the Geometry homework but lets do the language arts homework so we don’t get behind in there.  He says “It matters to me”.  “So you are just so upset about Geometry you can’t do your paragraph?”  “RIGHT” he yells like I am a complete idiot for not knowing that.  I try to encourage him more and explain he can do Geometry tomorrow but it just brings more wails and drama.  I realize I need to leave so I can calm down and he can calm down before we end up with a major melt down.

It is now 8:00 and we haven’t done anything and we need to start the night routine for bed soon.  This is turning out to be a really long night.  I give him about 15 minutes and during this time he closes his door.   I go to knock on it and he says five more minutes but he isn’t angry.  Now? He needs “private time” now.  Oh geez well maybe that will calm him down LOL.  So I say I will give him 5-10 minutes but then he really needs to start.  He swears he will start the paragraph.  I go in after the 10 minutes and ask him about the paragraph and again he starts to get upset.  I start to think does it really matter if he does his homework?  But I know I can’t win on this because if he doesn’t do the homework he will get a bad grade and then he will say there is no point in trying.  Sigh.  I go back to my room.  I decide to give up and just completely switch gears with him.  I ask him to come in my room to watch T.V.  He comes in with his head down saying “I don’t care” and plops down on the bed.  We find something to watch on TV and he asks for food.  I try one more time since we talked rationally about why he needs to do his homework and he says he will do it after he eats.

During this chaos my husband comes home.  I tell him what is going on and he goes downstairs to wait and stay out of it.  THANK YOU! Because him getting into the middle never ends well.  My son eats and then after some encouragement he picks up his paper and starts to write.  It is another half hour of encouragement and breaks for him to write his paragraph but it gets done.  It isn’t the best paragraph but there are words on a page for him to hand in.  It shouldn’t be this hard but it is.  After the paragraph is done we have to start the night routine.  It never ends and before I can go to bed I need to email the tutor about him completing Geometry and Science the next day in school.   How many more days left of school?

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