Last night he had trouble going to sleep. This is not a new thing for us. He used to take Melatonin and then finally I found a physician to write a prescription for Trazadone. We have increased the dose twice but we may need to try something stronger. Not all of his physicians agree with this choice of medicine, one told me it is like hitting him over the head with a hammer. Really? Come stay at my house for a while! Last night we went through the whole routine but he was not able to go to sleep. At one point I was up wandering the house at close to midnight looking for his cat Flub. He insists he has to have the cat to sleep. I understand but the cat is alive and sometimes it doesn’t cooperate.
I swear the door was closed when I went to bed but his door doesn’t shut right so Flub somehow opened it and got out. Now before you tell me I should fix his door remember he has Asperger’s and a temper. The door used to shut right but he likes to slam his door to show me how angry he is. I can’t complain, he used to do worse things. Now that I am thinking, it has been a while since he slammed the door…. Nope, not fixing it, that old Murphy’s Law will get me for sure.
I really love life sometimes, wandering around the house at Midnight shaking cat treats. I found the other two cats but they won’t do. I hear him nervously yell ‘Shake the cat treats.” I walk up to tell him that I am and to relax I should find him soon. Now he is shaking or rocking or something in the bed. Oh crap I need to find that darn cat. I shake treats and call for him again, back downstairs I go to look in his favorite places. My son then yells “Maybe you should look under my bed” Well darn it if the cat didn’t walk out of his room right at that moment. Probably was under the bed but I wouldn’t have found him even if I had looked under there. So I pick up the cat and give it to him and off to bed I go.
In the morning we go through his whole routine like any other morning. He was a little more sleepy then usual but he has been really good this year about getting up even when he is tired. It has almost been too good to be true. Yep it was. This morning he says “I just need one more day”. He must have said that once after having a few days off and it has stuck in his head for needing a day off. One of these days I will work on retraining him to say “I need the day off” but it is not my biggest concern at the moment.
I tried to talk him in to going but he insisted he was too tired and didn’t feel up to going. He tells me he was up multiple times during the night. I tried reasoning with him and bribery, er I mean a positive reinforcement, but nothing worked. I really wanted him to go to school but I know if he is tired and not feeling up to it he may have a bad day. A bad day could mean a meltdown or worse. I don’t want worse because this year has been going so well. I decide to let him stay home. I leave to go to work and am thankful my husband is at the dentist so I can just text him that he is staying home.
I drive to work and I am really feeling guilty about letting him stay home. I feel like a horrible mom and I am bracing myself for my husband to call freaking out about how he needs to go to school. I think I made the right decision but I don’t know what the right decision is sometimes. We have talked about this at the psychologists office before and we had agreed to letting him have a mental health days but limiting them. When I get to work I tell one of my co-workers because she has an adult child with special needs so I am hopeful she will understand. She says “If he needed the day off he needed the day off” and tells me I did the right thing. Okay, I made the right decision.
Then my husband called to tell me he was on his way home and would get him breakfast. Then my next worry is that my son has some reason to avoid school. This happens sometimes and it is difficult to get him to tell me what is really going on. My fear was alleviated later in the day when he was a little upset over missing school. WHAT!! That has never happened before. I guess we are okay for now.