School Refusal


He refused to go to school again today.   My son has been having issues off and on but has been insistent on staying at the public school.   I had been telling him that he had other options because I never want him to feel stuck there if the issues with other kids is just too much.  As I say to him I will have his back no matter what.  I was bullied and it sucked.  I told him that if he refused again we were going to go to a local school for kids with Asperger’s and kids that have been bullied.

So today when he refused to go we went to look at the other school.  We both like the school but we both are hesitant to switch.  I think he is hesitant to change because loosing friends.  I am hesitant because I don’t believe the curriculum would be tough enough or diverse enough for him.  He also said they were too happy.  I pointed out that it was the younger kids that were all happy and excited and the kids his age were just like him and barely muttered hey.  This observation made him laugh.

We discussed that he is new in this world history class and it is an adjustment for everyone.  We discussed that the kids were rude to him and they were told that their behavior was inappropriate and not acceptable.  We talked about how his case manager has done really well with a lot of things and maybe we should give him a chance.

When I spoke to the case manager today he clarified that when he came back from world history he seemed fine and wasn’t aware of the issue until the teacher came to talk to the case manager after school.  He also clarified that most of the issue was he kept interrupting others, ah I didn’t know that.  He said that the other kids also wanted the teacher to finish the lesson of course.  So they were moaning when he went to add things in.  I think we have all experienced this before.   It isn’t any fun.  The case manager also said that this is what he does and the students need to realize this is how he is but of course he needs to work on not interrupting.  I told me son I need to work on this as well 🙂

The case manager also wanted to reinforce that if he is having a problem in one class he can come in for rest of day.  I explained that it was very clear that was not an option at the middle school.  I then went on a mini rant that they would have more success with these kids if they were consistent.   He tried to say they don’t have same resources.  Bullshit he went to the guidance counselor one day for a whole period he was struggling with and they made a huge deal about it.  They also made him go to the cafeteria even though a teacher offered to let kids come to his room for lunch.  Sorry for mini rant here as well but seriously if they were consistent he would be much better off.

Also I do wonder how much of this is from the holidays, especially Thanksgiving.   Sigh we are going day by day here and hoping tomorrow is a better one.  Although he had some issues in World History, they are trying to work on it and he has to do his part and show up to give them chance.  If they don’t fix then he knows there is a plan B because if they don’t fix he will not be forced to go be tormented.

However since there is a plan B he needs to go to a school, staying home is not an option.

I can’t thank enough my twitter support group that came together this morning to help me get through the day: @mumforautism who is having her own issues with school refusal, which is why I reached out to her on Twitter when I read this post from her.

Some other great tweeps caught the dialogue and jumped in with support based on their experience (i have lots of other great tweeps btw)  @LaurieMit    @BlueCrisps  and @ItsBridgetsWord  They all had great advice & gave great support but the one that I had to show my son was @ItsBridgetsWord’s response to the school telling me the other day that he should tone done the eagerness (I didn’t know he had been interrupting people & he was just upset because he loves to talk about WWI).

Anyways her response to the idea of him holding back:  “Wrong to “dumb down” any child to foster conformity/mediocracy. Those are not “life skills”.”  I think that is excellent advice!  He shouldn’t interrupt people but I do get impression they would also like to temper some of the eagerness.  I agree with @ItsBridgetsWord and my son loved her comment.  I also think it helped him this morning to know this morning that he had support from his “followers” on Twitter.

 

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