Welcome 2012 and Homeschooling ?!?!

Welcome 2012 and Homeschooling ?!?!


I never thought I would write that as a title.  I guess we will be doing an online academy but will be at home.  Not sure correct term but guess I will be learning ASAP!

I have written a lot about school refusal ever since that fateful day of the pep rally. He has never completely adjusted back since then. The case manager has been very nice and accommodating but I know he was feeling like every time they made a change it only lasted for a bit and then he would complain about something else.

I suppose that is true but I suppose that is because he was stressed and not comfortable in his surroundings. We tried, we really did. It isn’t his fault. I can relate because I hated school. I liked college so much I even went back and would go back again if I had the time.

I am honestly scared but it really wasn’t working. He would be fine until I would bring up school and then he would become upset. Again the case manager read this as he was trying to be in control and get his way. Well I guess it could be read that way but aren’t I teaching him to self advocate? So when he says that school stresses him out shouldn’t I listen?

Being on Christmas break probably made it worse. Maybe he did have a taste of freedom, I don’t know. All I know is he would NOT go back. Monday night he started with being upset and saying he didn’t care about anything anymore. He refused to take his pills. He was very upset and I was really scared. I finally got him calmed down and we even discussed how he doesn’t want to just live at home and play video games his whole life.

He did not go to bed until around 1 AM and that is even after I laid down with him to try to calm him down. Of course he didn’t want to go the next day. He told me he had a stomach ache (stress? anxiety?) He was very cooperative, not refusing or yelling but said he just needed one more day. He seemed okay when I got home from work. In fact he seemed like he was in a great mood.

Wednesday morning he started again with how he didn’t care and how he just didn’t want anything any more. I don’t know but when he gets like this I can feel his depression and despair wash over me. There are times when he has said things and I have known he was just saying it & when I push he complies.

Even though I could feel his despair I still pushed because what if I am just imagining the despair I feel rippling off of him? When I pushed he just became more upset.

When he gets like this it scares the crap out of me. I finally get out of him that he is not depressed about life in general but depressed about school. I don’t think it is the work or the learning. I think it is the other kids that annoy him.

I started to think about the options. Maybe it was his despair washing over me but I started worrying about depression and suicide. I started thinking about in patient hospitalization if he refuses everything. I started worrying if he continues to refuse school we will end up in juvenile court.

I could say this has been going on since October but really this has been a long standing issue. It seemed that he was doing better at school if I based it on fact that I used to have to go pick him up all the time. When I commented on this to him he said it wasn’t better. I realized he was just doing better with how he was handling outwardly. He used to get suspended for meltdowns and throwing things. Is that what I wait for? For him to get so upset he loses it at school? Or someone bullies him so much he hurts himself?

No! I have to work but I will figure this out because I have to. I would walk through fire for that kid.

He is so bright and he deserves the world. I decided if this is really just about school then we need to make the change.

I had explored options over the summer and we recently went to an alternative school but he said he didn’t want to try it. Sigh I had looked into an online school and know they exist but I hadn’t really researched all of the options. Oh crap, I need an answer fast because my whole family was stressed.

I know I have said many times before that I love Twitter.  I had been discussing homeschool with various tweeps but had not ever asked about any online programs.  Wednesday I was desperate so I sent out this tweet:

And I got an immediate answer from people.  Thank you ItsBridgetsword for suggesting that Emily may be able to help.

Emily immediately answered with information about the online program she uses and coincidentally she had recently written a review on her blog.  I love Twitter, I love this community.  Someone has a question & someone always answers.

I think we will be signing up for this program.  We will see how it goes.  Every kid is so different and I am always trying to figure out what will work best for him.  All we can do is try.

My husband is really stressed about all of this and that could be a whole other blog post… I will be providing more updates as this journey continues….

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Comments

  1. this sounds so hard, I am sorry you and your family are having to go through this and glad the community is able to give you the help and support you need now.

  2. I went through this too, but my son was only in second grade elementary. He was being pushed around, bullied, teased, and then, beaten. It was horrible. Second graders and up were doing this to him because he self talked, flapped his hands, didn’t understand their games and tended to stay to himself. He did have friends, thankfully, but they were never around when he was being hurt by the other children. That’s why it happened. No one was protecting him. I pulled him out and we’ve homeschooled ever since (pretty much with the exception of half a year in eighth grade. The stress of it all was too much. However, depression can kick in even in homeschooling. My son gets depressed easily due to frustration and overload. Sometimes academic, sometimes feeling lonely. Sometimes too much time with Mom as mother and teacher. We have made it through, and though some of it was difficult there were wonderful times and fabulous “adventures” we took together. Now he is seeing a LPC who specializes in Asperger’s (we just found her) and helping make the transition from home to college to work and such. She helps them go slowly, step by step and where I cannot help (I have Asperger’s and much of life is a great mystery and frightening to me at times too) she will be stepping in and guiding. For us, home schooling was a great option. Mostly my son “unschooled” and self taught through massive reading and some math books. He doesn’t feel like he’s had a good education and worried about going back to school. We put him back in and he ended up being on the High Honor Roll having some of the highest marks in the school. He was worried for nothing. 🙂 He’s smart but the social environment and the pressure of sitting all day below those lights, all that movement, sound and such is just too much for him. College he’ll go in with them knowing ahead of time about the Asperger’s and he’ll go slowly and on his own terms.

    I hope this works out for you. I know it’s difficult and it’s horribly upsetting to see your child so upset and depressed. It rips you up inside and you feel helpless and even desperate to make it better. Sometimes that has to come from an outside source because you can be too close to the situation. I have found the older my son gets the more help he needs from others (this LPC is a very good person to get help from) and she will help us help him because we get lost too. Being this close like I am to my son, I don’t always see all the options. Now my son is learning to trust others, not just me and the world is opening up a little bit more for him. Slow and steady.

    May you have the strength you need to see you through, the peace of mind to know you can only do what you can do and you do not need to do it perfectly, and the patience to ride through the storms and the joy of sailing through the clear and smooth times.

    Bright blessings,
    Bird

    • Bird,
      Thank you so much for stopping by and all of the thoughtful comments. I really appreciate it because I am really worried about how all of this will go. I am hoping he does not get depressed over this. I didn’t want him to go to the public school but I had to wait until he was ready. I can’t even think about college yet. I am in a day by day mode right now.
      Thank you again for your kind words, you are always so supportive.

  3. I started to leave a comment, but it grew and grew in length, so I turned it into a blog post instead (http://thethirdglance.wordpress.com/2012/01/05/homeschool/). I’m really sorry that your son and you have had to go through this. At any rate, I think homeschooling is a great option that isn’t used as much as it could be. My experiences are mixed. I wanted to be homeschooled and never was, but in retrospect, I’m conflicted as to whether that is a good thing or a bad thing. Good luck, and I hope this turns out to be a great thing for your son.

    • E – I will go check your blog post. Thanks!

      E & Kim I am scared to death that it may not be the right thing. I know it will not be perfect but he was so upset and unable to go. I figure we will see how it goes and since left on good terms and no major incidents he can always go back to public school if this doesn’t work.

  4. Best wishes my friend. Homeschooling has not been a magic bullet for us, but that is all I can say since we do not have anonymity that you do. I hope it works better for you.

  5. So sorry to read that things are still tough. I know how scary all this is as I’m going through something similar with my son and daughter (as you know). Will give an update on my blog soon. The only thing I can say is to continue to be strong. You have such a fabulous understanding of your son that it won’t hurt to try something. You will know if it is going to work or not. Deb xx

    • Thanks deb! You have been such a great support. It is good to know I am not the only one going through this. Too bad you are so far away!

      Btw all of our snow melted!

      • Oh that is disappointing. My aspergers daughter is quite disgusted that we have had no snow this Christmas. Not that we usually do, but last year we had mounds of the stuff and temperatures below freezing for weeks. Unusual for Britain. Deb x

  6. Hi, thanks for following me on twitter! I’m sorry you are going through this ordeal. As first time homeschooler may I suggest you take a few weeks to de-school before jumping into any particular curriculum. It will give you a chance to try out some free sample of various programs and see what works best for your son without jumping into anything. : ) Also, Catherine at http://ourvillageisalittledifferent.blogspot.com/ has Aspie son’s the same age as yours (I believe) I’m sure she would be glad to chat with you too.

  7. Fellow Aspie Mom here… and started homeschooling our son in November of 2011. It’s been a bumpy ride – still is, but it’s a lot less stress than sending our son to school everyday. Good luck on your adventure. I am now following your blog and look forward to reading more posts. Hope you’ll stop by mine and follow.
    Jen

    • Thank you Paisley & Autism Mom for stopping by. I will definitely stop by your blogs and the ones recommended. I expect this will be a journey and I am glad to have the info & support of the home school moms regardless of whether we do traditional homeschool or virtual academy 🙂
      I expect this will be a bumpy ride but glad to hear it is still less stressful than sending them to school.

  8. Lots of support from me. We unschool my son otherwise he would be in withdrawal from the sensory overload. It’s been the best thing ever. Really eye-opening. (Examples at my blog if you’re interested – under the Homeschool tab.) I know the transition is hard – I cried just taking my son out of pre-K. But I think it was over the unknown and feeling that I was withdrawing from the community. ((It will get better.))

    • Thank you all of you! Sorry I can’t respond w much more. Been emotional day setting stuff up. Will definitely look at ur information about unschooling! Thank you so much.

Trackbacks

  1. […] post is in response to Aspieside’s post about her decision to homeschool her son. I truly admire her courage and her son’s bravery in facing school, and hope that this proves to […]

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