“Emotional Issues”


I am so sick from reading this story today about a 10 year old killing a 12 year old.  Any time that a child dies it is upsetting of course but this one really upset me to the point that I may take everyone’s advice now and take a break from reading the news.

It would be obvious to be upset about the 12 year old but that is not what upset me.  If that fact upsets you please feel free to not continue reading.  It isn’t that I am not upset about the death, of course that is a horrible thing but if you read on I think you will understand.

It seems that the 10 and 12 year old were friends but they had some kind of argument and the 10 year old stabbed the 12 year old.  The details of the argument have not come out yet but it sounds as if this happened very quickly.

The article notes that the 10 year old “had emotional issues, and that something as small as tapping him on the shoulder the wrong way or losing at a video game could spark outrage.”  It further goes on to say “Even though he threw temper tantrums, we never thought he’d do anything like this”,

This part of the article made my heart stop.  At age 10 my son only had the diagnosis of ADHD.  He started fighting with kids because of being picked on. Everyone would say that he would get upset over small things and react violently to other kids.  I was told that he was not safe to be around other children and to put him in a group home for kids with anger issues.

If this article had been written when my son was 10 I am sure this article would have been shoved in my face.  I remember when my son raged and would physically lash out to people.  I remember being heart broken because I could never figure out what was going on.  My son is such a sweet compasionate person but it was like he became a different person when he raged.

Afterwards he was always very remorseful and felt horrible, especially when he had hit another kid.  It always broke my heart and I never knew what to say to the other kid or to the other parent.  He never seriously hurt anyone.  I can’t imagine how he would have felt if he had seriously hurt anyone.  I just can’t imagine how this 10 year old feels.

I worked tirelessly and kept seeking answers for my son.  I am so thankful that I didn’t listen to people who told me he should be in a group home.  My son needed understanding and help to work through what upset him and how to prevent the rage.  I don’t know if it was the meds, therapy, or him maturing but I am guessing it was a combination of all of that.  It was hard work and it did not happen over night.  Some people did not want to give him the time.  People would say “he might do this…” or “he could have done something worse” and it would upset me because I knew he would never really hurt anyone intentionally.  I had to beg for people to give him a chance sometimes.  What if he hadn’t had that chance.

Did this 10 year old intentionally harm his friend?  An article later in the day discusses more about how he would get upset when people touched him.  It talks about how he had a chemical imbalance and started new medications.  Maybe the new medications caused the chemical imbalance.  What chance will this 10 year old have.

I can only pray and hope that this 10 year old receives the help that he needs.  Possibly he will receive the diagnosis that is needed to help him appropriately.  But of course then people will say that a particular diagnosis is the cause or isn’t safe.  People won’t understand that it is not just a diagnosis but other factors that caused this horrible sad event to occur.  And lets remember people kill people all the time without a diagnosis.  But some people don’t think rationally.  Some of the comments to the first article are just awful.  I mean really, the cause was that the kid lacked discipline?   Why is it that people think that beating a child will make them behave better?

When my son was younger he struggled with realizing he was getting upset and we were struggling to learn what would cause the meltdown.  Many times when he would meltdown and then get suspended I would wish that the event didn’t happen.  Like if I had a time machine I could go back and not send him to school that day or made sure that he wasn’t in the situation that upset him.  I really wish I had that time machine now to go back and find this 10 year old and prevent what caused him to get upset.  His life is forever changed.  And his poor friend.  My heart aches for all involved.

 

 

 

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Comments

  1. Let us pray that he gets the right diagnosis and help. I watched a video a few weeks ago about the undiagnosed Aspie adults of the world, many of whom are institutionalized and/or in prison. How sad….

    Thank God that your son has you to fight for him and be his voice.

  2. That 10 year old could have been my son – still could be, on bad days.

    My fear is that my son will be in prison as an adult. If there were a magic wand, I’d bestow self-control. He’ll be 17 this year, and can be tried as an adult. He’s already been arrested (and in detention) – I worry about his future if he can’t maintain his self-control when he’s in the midst of a meltdown/bout of mania.

    ASD, Bipolar, ADHD, Impulse control disorder

    • Kim I was afraid that this article would be real for others. It is a real fear. My son could never control the meltdowns we had to control what caused them & his ability to recognize the cause but it wasn’t easy. And that may not be possible for everyone. Although I know at one point with my son I never thought we would be where we are today. Don’t ever give up.
      Hugs, wish I had a magic wand for you.

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