Last month I featured a blogger and promised that I would feature a blogger each month. Well this month I went on quite a tour and they are all really great powerful posts.
First this YouTube video has been around for a long time but I shared it this week with someone on twitter because they were discussing their nonverbal child. I love this video because of what it shares about her world.
Then yesterday I read this post is by Califmom and is titled Autism Speaks doesn’t Speak for our Family. I am not going to say who’s wall because a minor um, disagreement broke out on her wall. Someone commented that they disagreed with the post and referenced Autism as a “disease of sorts”. If I were a cat the hair on the back of my neck would have been standing up. Another person politely pointed out they were wrong. I walked away because I could feel the hair on the back of my neck standing up (okay maybe I am a cat).
Another person commented and said nothing good about autism (or maybe I just focused on the following) and said that autism is just a series of deficits. And referencing how she knows an autistic that lives in a group home that has to be cared for. Oh geez. All my fur standing on end at this point. I had this great idea that I was going to explain to her that there are various degrees of concerns. In my head I was thinking that she just needed to understand that there are good points. And that yes we all have basic deficits but we can learn to get buy. We pay a price when we do. I have been rambling around with similar thoughts in my head recently but maybe I didn’t make myself clear on the wall post.
I am an Aspie. I am also a lawyer with a full time job, married & a kid so by societies standards I am successful whatever I struggle every day yes. I struggle because I get aggravated at work because I am more efficient, remember more and I have to work on not getting aggravated with them. I have an assistant because I couldn’t organize myself to save my life. Are there deficits, sure, there are but I do not have a disease. My son is also an Aspie and he does not have a disease either. And I am sure you are thinking well the difference is being an Aspie. No it isn’t. I live in my own world in my head. I have learned how to relate to the rest of the world. It is hard and it really is a struggle. Because to me, NTs are different and have rules that don’t always make sense to me. When with Aspies and Autistics I have no problems. The issues isn’t that we are “diseased” the issue is that we think and relate differently. And if an NT doesn’t understand how we think and relate differently they may think that we are somehow deficient. My son used to not talk to anyone but family. He used to have lots of problems toilet training. He used to hit other kids and we have worked on how he can communicate his frustrations. That is the key, not curing, it is helping an autistic understand how to relate to the world around them. Relating with other people is the hardest. But they still are wonderful people who have lots of things to offer. Even if your child doesn’t talk it doesn’t mean they don’t have a lot of amazing things going on in their mind. They will share when they are ready. And lord knows many days I wish I wasn’t trying to fit in because it is really hard work & draining.
I am not sure why when we enter into discussions we always think the other person will see our side if we just explain it clearly. I know better. I have even written here about how we are all our own journey and we need to support each other. I try to remember that a person is not always in the same frame of reference as I am in and may not be ready to hear what I am saying. Clearly she did not hear me because somehow it became about how she has worked for people like me “genius lawyers” who have made her feel bad as a paralegal. That so was not my point but I clearly struck a nerve. Which is the bad part when we enter into discussions.
The other person has their own ideas and thoughts coming into the discussion. One person can say something very well meaning and it is taken wrong. I really wasn’t trying to say that I was a genius lawyer and I really don’t think that I am bad to work for but I just need to let that all go. That wasn’t the point of the discussion.
For anyone who would like to read what I was really trying to say it is here on ThAutCast written brilliantly by Landon Bryce. If I had seen this post last night or earlier today I would have saved myself some headache and just posted Landon’s blog post!! I can relate on so many levels to this blog post & I hope that everyone will go read it because it really does clearly articulate how someone can appear “high functioning” but be struggling on the inside.
I think everyone is well meaning. I am sure the person that I had the disagreement with loves her child very much. The person that own’s this wall where the discussion occurred wrote a very nice comment to all of us reminding us that it is a journey. It is true and I can’t force my opinion on to someone else. It was a great point and I apologized for my rant.
I really do try to get along with others. And I completely agree that if we are fighting amongst ourselves we are diverting attention from where it needs to be. Deb over at Aspie in the Family wrote a great blog post about this recently.
I want us all to get along but sometimes well meaning people say things that are hurtful to someone else unintentionally. Like the comments about it being a disease or deficits that made me so upset. Yesterday I also saw this great video. I am sure the people were well meaning but this is how it comes across:
Seriously how could I forget this awesome blogger who really needs your help because she deserves to win something by popularity vote!!! And she did once write this awesome post about how you can’t cure awesome 🙂 She rocks.