I really struggled with the title of this one. I try not to go around telling people my beliefs. Why – because I was taught in Nursing school it was a taboo topic. Not God itself- if someone wanted to pray or needed spiritual help, you did it, regardless of your own beliefs. Had a couple of nurses recently have spiritual moments with me- not about specific religious practices but about God and how God would help me through. I needed that so much right then. God should not be taboo. But religious beliefs can really start some arguments for sure, and that is why we were never to discuss our religious beliefs. Still not discussing here, well, not exactly.
My parents never went to church. Never. I went to church sometimes with my grandparents & I always considered that the church I grew up in. My dad (100% sure he was undiagnosed aspie) would not go to church. I know he grew up going to church but he refused to go as an adult. He didn’t agree with organized religion. He called them hypocrites. Worried about who was there, who wore what. Who was doing what and they all acted different in church. I remember listening to him and then observing people at church. So many “scandals”. I still remember one of the big scandals was they put me & my classmates through baptism a year early because the pastor was leaving. My grandmother went on & on about that. I kept trying to tell her I was glad because I grew up with that pastor & I wanted that pastor to teach me & baptize me. That didn’t matter, how dare he do it a year early. Then they couldn’t find a pastor for a few years & oh my once a woman was being considered!! Oh the scandal. My dad seemed to make more sense to me.
My dad was obsessed with the bible. He read it over and over again. He quoted out of it & discussed religion all the time. To the point of people thinking he was crazy. Some of the stuff he said did sound a bit crazy but now I wonder if he was just having difficulty wording what he meant. I would love to ask him questions now. Now that I understand so much more about him. Now that I am older & appreciate him more. But I can’t.
Through his teachings and my own experiences I also quit going to church. It is very hard for me to go. I am so literal. I feel I must believe everything they are preaching or I don’t feel right being there. So many times I disagree with the beliefs of organized religions. But I have always believed in God.
Fast forward a few years. I have a 3 year old (4 maybe?) and my grandfather dies. It is the first death so of course as a believer I explained he went to heaven. Now Sheldon wanted to know everything about heaven. He talked about it non-stop. He was a climber and once he was in a bad place & I had had it. I yelled “get down or you’re going to fall & die!” He yelled back “so, I will just be in heaven with God.” What the hell do you say to that?
Non-stop with the questions & wanting to know about heaven and God. Well I am no expert, and my father died before he was born. All I could think to do was find a church. I even ended up sending him to a christian elementary school because he wanted to go there. Was awful for other reasons but he loved religion class. He talked about the bible and God all the time. My grandmother was certain he would grow up to be a preacher.
My neighbors are quite religious & I was told they prayed for me recently (so appreciated!). I don’t ever talk about religion so wasn’t sure what they knew or thought of our beliefs. Well that was a silly concern. When the preacher was at their house & they were discussing me the story they shared was of Sheldon of course. Apparently years ago when we first moved in (he was probably 8) their dog killed a mole. The neighbor wife was apparently thrilled that the dog had done such a good deed. Sheldon looked square at her in all seriousness of 8 year old aspie and said “you should not be happy, that mole is God’s creature too”. That story was awesome to me because I could picture him at 8 with his little kid voice saying that. Oh that kid, so many struggles he was going through at that age. They told me he was a monster around the same time. Really?
“That mole is God’s creature too!” So many of us need to remember that we are all God’s creatures. I will try not to be a hypocrite but hate speech is not free speech. I tried not to be hateful in my post, not even too much towards organized religions. Just explaining I don’t always agree with them and hard to sit in church when don’t agree. Hard to pick and choose, not the way religion should work. So like my dad, I believe but not really a belonger of organized religion of any kind. But they have a right to believe what they want. Just wish certain groups would not spread hate speech because then the other group responds & is told they are now practicing hate speech & bullying by responding. There is no winner in that. Friendships get torn apart over it. If you follow me on Twitter you know where I stand & was hard to read my timeline of posts from people who believed differently. I wanted to scream at them- some of my closest friends are gay and I have a long history of being supportive. It kills me to know a company gave money to support anti-gay movements & was so open about it. So many companies are coming forward with their opinion. Is hard to keep up. But that one yesterday just stuck with me for some reason. By the way Sheldon told me Oreos are pro-gay so he is glad to eat those 🙂
I wish for no hateful speech towards a group, any group, christian, gays, muslims, autistics, females, blind, purple, three armed, whatever- They are God’s creatures too.