Struggling


I have been really struggling lately.  I haven’t been able to write because I have struggled with what to say about it.  The majority of issues are coming from work which is hard for me to write about.  What if my boss found my blog and put 2 and 2 together.  Sigh.  So I will try to talk more about the feelings and why I am struggling.

I spent my entire childhood being picked on and bullied, which I wrote about more in detail here.   Between this and in general not always understanding what to do socially I have always struggled.  I was really feeling good about myself and about my social and professional interactions.  I have received such positive feedback from people.  Sure some people complain but that is the nature of my job.  I sometimes have to tell people they need to do things differently than they planned for legal reasons.  Most people appreciate that and work with me to find the best solution.  But some people just don’t.  I have accepted that.

But now there is someone is basically picking on me.  I am really trying hard not to argue or not to be opinionated so I stay under the radar.  But even when I do that this person is still finding fault.   I have tried everything.  I even tried to explain how they were making me feel and they said they would stop.  It hasn’t stopped.  This troubles me to no end.  I want to do a good job but really starting to question if that will ever be possible.  Then I start to question maybe I am really doing something wrong.  But so many others say that I am not and that they too are having similar issues.  But then I start to question everything.

It is exhausting.  And I do wonder if I was a different person would this bother me so much.  Would I have the strength to just say I am me and that is okay.  I can’t please everyone.  But I want to please everyone.  I know I focus on the negatives that are said to me and I just need to ignore them.  But then it is hard to know what constructive criticism is.  Especially from this person because now I really do feel that it is past that.  It is horrible but I am just waiting for her to do it to THE wrong person and then this person might hopefully finally be told how wrong they are.  Then I feel guilty for wishing that.

 

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Comments

  1. Absolutely no one deserves to be bullied, and that is essentially what this person is doing. Report it, or if you feel that less drastic steps need to be taken first, confront. I know, I just asked you to do something that might be physically impossible. But you deserve an environment free from negativity. This may also not be popular with some people, but you are also free to say, “I have a diagnosed medical condition and you are violating my rights under the ADA.” Then, if your company refuses to address the issue, there is grounds for a lawsuit. This person is creating a hostile environment for you and cannot be allowed to do that. You will be standing up for her next victim, before she ever finds one.

    • Thank Lorca. Is hard for me to say too much here but yes I do have some options. I am not formally diagnosed & therefore not covered under ADA. However having been through this with my son the protection didn’t do much for him. Kids know how to get out of being in trouble for bullying & adults are even better at it. Some people are masters at it. Those people suck.

  2. I face the dilemma daily at work. I maintain my professionalism. I do the job to the best of my ability. Do not question yourself.

  3. I’m sorry you are going through a difficult time. You are right – you cannot please everyone, but at least you made a concerted effort with the person in questions. Not much else you can do about it!

  4. Unfortunately bullies grow up. They become adults and they never stop doing their bad behavour. It’s funny ASD moms are always tring so hard to make sure their child has great behavour. Only to then let them walk in a world where more people than not have bad behavour. It’s hard not to question your self. Especially if you often feel like you miss stuff. I often feel that it’s possible to over feel. To absorb feeling. If you are like me you could be more hyper aware now that you feel that this person has an issue with you. You may want to correct everything you do cause then this would make it better or make you better. This is anyway how I’ve approched handling bullies in the past. What can I Change in me to satisfy you approach. This is an approach I now know is wrong. There may not be anything wrong with you. There maybe a lot wrong with the other person. Why are they so insecure that they have to approach you this way. Bullies often bully to get or achieve something. They need to make them self better or gain something by hurting someone else. You can’t change you to make that go away. Changing your actions won’t make that person be any more secure in their self. Some people use over criticism to cover their own issues and lack of ability. If they have low self esteem then they will come after another persons self esteem. I don’t know why the person chose you to pick on but if it gets bad you could have to get help from a human resources or something. Praying for you anyway and hope you get through it. I’m not an expert but been bullied as an adult not a kid and it’s not nice. Can really bring you down

    • Thank you so much for the support. I do wonder what is behind the behavior. I may never know. But thank you so much for your support and insight and reminding me the complexity of them behind the behavior.

  5. You are a smart and caring individual. I have no idea why this person would target you, but I am sending hugs and prayers that it somehow gets resolved. No one should have to put up with abuse at work or elsewhere.

  6. Life Skills Teacher says:

    Been there at multiple job sites, both pre- and post-dx. Have thoughts, but don’t want to post publicly. DM me on twitter and I’ll email you.

Trackbacks

  1. […] By AspieSide · Leave a Comment Thank you to everyone that supported me on my last post- here, on twitter and even in person (you know who you are).  This all has caused a lot of […]

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