Accepting Self & Advocating for Self


Advocating for your own needs is so very important yet also so very hard.  I personally know I want so much to be accepted so then I sacrifice my own needs for the sake of others.  No.  Not anymore.

I have even struggled with that in my own house.  My husband changed careers a few years ago.  It made him happier but he wasn’t home in the evenings.  He worried that it would upset me.  In actuality it worked out wonderfully.  He still gets home at a decent time that we spend some time together.  And he gets random days off so then we spend the time together.  Sometimes in the winter his hours are cut.  This would lead to issues.  He sensed I was agitated and he would think he did something wrong.  Finally we both realized I just needed space.  I needed to stay in my routine.  If he is off more in the evenings he goes his way and I go mine.  It doesn’t mean we don’t like each other.  It just means I need my space and my routine.

Today he is off and wanted to go do something.  Today is my last day off.  We have run errands and done all kinds of things together the past week.  Today I need to be home.  I have to face work tomorrow.  We have already discussed that even though he gets home early tomorrow we will both do our own thing.  It is very important that we do this.

I do a great job advocating for my son.  I will tell family not to talk so much that it bothers him.  When he isn’t around they just talk, talk, talk.  It bothers me.  It makes my head rattle with too much.  Way too much noise.  I have gotten better at excusing myself but I need to do better.

I need to do better at work at saying when I need space.  Everyone comes to me and asks me questions.  Usually that is okay but sometimes I just need quiet and space to work.  Most people that work closely with me know when I have hit that spot.  Usually I can just say something or look at them and they know.  They accept it.  I need to accept it too.  Maybe it is all the years of trying so hard to blend in.  I can’t do it anymore.  I am me.  I am autistic.  I need quiet time and space.  I need to be alone with my own thoughts.  I am not selfish or stupid.  I do sometimes get lost in my own thoughts and need space.  It isn’t anything against anyone, it is my own needs.

My friend Gretchen has vowed to make this the year that nothing holds her back – Aspergers or sexual orientation.  It shouldn’t hold her back, she is a wonderful human being.  I need to recognize that Aspergers doesn’t hold me back and neither does advocating for my needs.  I do things really well and other things I need help with.  Other times I just need peace and quiet.  There is nothing wrong with that.

So yes let’s make this an awesome year!!

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Comments

  1. I think moms are the perpetual pleasers, so often looking out for the needs of the family members while overlooking their own. It took until my kids got older before I really began recognizing what I needed and exercising my right for those needs to be met without enormous guilt. And the guilt I might add came from me, not my family. And oh my gosh yes, I understand the need to be alone. I sent my friend a text earlier today that read, “I don’t mean to sound like a bitch but I haven’t been alone for more than 15 minutes in two weeks! UGH!” This Friday both my husband and daughter return to school and I will have my first day alone since mid December! I could totally relate to this post! 🙂

  2. I’ve always really only done things for my comfort because I see no point in being miserable for the sake of others. I think because I didn’t realize how different I really am until middle school, I have always accepted myself as is. I think of my journey with Aspergers as one of never ending self-awareness.

    • Based on your posts you do this quite well and wish that I knew what you know at your age 🙂 I think it is wonderful.

      • Thanks =).I’m wishing I had known how to do advocate in more tactful way when I was younger. Now that I’m working I’m also trying to figure out how to do so in a socially acceptable way. Fun fun.

  3. I have struggled with this all my life and didn’t find out I was Aspie until age 61! You express the struggles well.

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