Reset


First- trigger warning for negativity and for anyone recently in a certain facebook group.

 

When my son was younger he had a much harder time controlling his emotions.  He was very, very sensitive.

He would act out in Math class.  No one could figure out what was wrong.  I would dig in and figure out what happened.  Finally we would find out it was something 2 classes before in English.  The teachers would say it wouldn’t make sense.

It makes sense to me.  I recently belonged to some facebook groups.  One in particular was supposed to be for all kinds of people.  A place where maybe we didn’t all agree but just a place where we could all know each other and maybe listen to other sides of things.

A couple of weeks ago there was some drama- a misunderstanding between an NT and an autistic.  The autistic became very upset.  The NT said they knew they were wrong.  The autistic became so upset they ranted about the NT on their space.  The NT said it is okay, I get it.  The other NTs rallied around the NT and pointed fingers at the autistic saying he was the bully for ranting about the occurrence.  I found it interesting that the NT involved posted later about an event that happened when they were out.  How they thought someone who couldn’t change a routine was picking a fight with them but then they stepped back and realized wait if I am to be accepting of my daughter and expect acceptance of my daughter why am I making a big deal here.  I am an NT, i know of the needs of autistics and similar neurotypes.  I the NT need to bend.

There were lots of discussions about how as NTs they are just enabling rudeness if don’t hold an autistic accountable.

I really struggled with this.

I really struggled with a lot of conversations that occurred.  It made me question my value as a person.  I would read what they wrote and I retreated further into my shell.  I could feel that something was wrong.  My husband knew something was wrong.  I realized the negativity was smothering me.  I feel completely smothered.

The thing that really threw me over the edge was a post by one of the other members.  Sigh.  I try to understand why maybe some parents feel the need to vent about their kid or how hard their life is.  I guess it is their space and maybe they need someone to encourage them.  Apparently someone told them they should not be so negative since they have so many followers.  This blogger then said they never claimed to be a role model.

Okay but I find it interesting that every autistic parent knows that their child is sensitive to touch, or light, or sounds.  They know that there is a processing issue.  They know their kid is sensitive.  Why don’t they understand their kid can feel their negativity?  Why don’t they realize that the negativity affects autistics reading their writing.  When an autistic steps forward and says “hey that bothers me”

they are met with some response such as:

“You are being too sensitive”

or

“you are not autistic enough to understand”

Okay autistics are sensitive.  Am I “autistic enough?”  I don’t even know what that means.  But I know that if autism is like an equalizer my sensitive setting is way up high.  It is not fun.  I am so sad and feel so bogged down in negativity.

So now to circle back- sorry my brain is pretty fried-

a)  I don’t think we are somehow excusing autistics for being rude and that whole holier than their parent blogging that occurred after about how they will raise their kids differently?  Please my kid is all sweet and kind but like one of his psychologists (not even one I liked) when there is a bad thing happening to him it is like a fire alarm going on next to his ear- he just wants to get away from it.  When autistics become overwhelmed they/we are not rude on purpose.  We don’t think, wow I am upset so how should I melt down this time?  Um, no, it just happens.  As we get older we get better at controlling.  To an extent…

b) I became upset in the one group.  I didn’t feel safe venting there so I went to another group to vent.  Because I knew it was safe to vent there.  Not thinking about how it could affect others.  Someone reached out to me and reminded me.   Right.  I am so, so sorry.  That made me feel awful.  It never occurred to me.  I just got so upset in english class I couldn’t express my feelings.  I went right over to math class and the stress level came down & I vented.  It was not intentional.

b) I titled this reset because when my son was younger and would have a meltdown he would beat himself up for it.  Again he had no intention of having a meltdown.  He had horrible remorse for what he had done.  But he would feel so sad and then be raw and easily upset again.  I would tell him that we would reset the day.  That didn’t always work but over time he got better at resetting.  That is what I need to do now.  I need to reset.  I have left the group that was upsetting me.

I will reset and be back to blogging soon.

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Comments

  1. Be well sweetie. ( hugs)

  2. This is a brilliant analogy! Thank you for your sensitivity and care. Hugs!!

  3. This is why I am very careful who I associate with. And in my sheltered little world, I remain blissfully ignorant of such conflicts, most of the time anyway.

  4. rebelmommy says:

    I feel you. Take care of yourself. That is what is most important.

  5. This was so wonderful to read for a whole host of reasons, but the single most selfish one was because while reading it I was nodding my head and saying to myself – oh that’s exactly how I felt. Oh, yes, I felt overwhelmed by the negativity too. Yes, that was me, there, there and there.
    Just so you know, I went to a place that was “safe” and I told all of them about my feelings regarding this same group and you know what? At least a half dozen people came up to me afterwards and said, “thank you for sharing that. I totally get it. I’ve felt that way too!”
    *Hugs* Thank you for being you.

  6. I reset to, I take a shower and brush my teeth to start the day again.
    Take care, x

    • Yes. It’s too much. Just too damned much. Thank you for holding the light. Now take care of you and your beautiful, perfectly sensitive heart.

  7. Hang in there, doll. It will get better. 🙂

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