Not autistic enough

People have asked why I don’t blog as much anymore.  I got tired of fighting.  I got cussed out once- yeah once by a parent who told me I had no right to say anything because I wasn’t autistic enough.  My kid wasn’t autistic enough.

That shit hurts.  Not that I even know what autistic enough means or I want to be more autistic or less autistic.  But that I write to help others understand.  My son can SOMETIMES tell me what the sensory issues are like.  I can tell you how the lights burn my eyes.  Perhaps these things can help someone who has a completely non verbal.  And honestly sometimes I didn’t even say all that I was thinking.  I cannot lie but I have learned to hold back.  Sometimes I wanted to tell people that they were causing some of the issues in their kids- there I said it.  I know you mean well but sometimes we can cause our kids to feel worse.  To react worse.  To have a meltdown.  Anyways I got tired of fighting.

I don’t claim to speak for anyone because I don’t know what anyone feels but I only hope my writings would help someone else to understand.  I am on facebook as the real me (that sounds kind of odd but yeah, you know) anyways I try not to get too deep into the autism community but I do stay on the fringes.  I just don’t want to get sucked in.  Today this was on my newsfeed and I am so glad that I stayed on the fringe.  This is awesome and made me feel a little better about sharing my stories.  This kind of made me laugh and want to say FUCK YOU to the evil parent that cussed me out.  She clearly wouldn’t listen to her child and I was very nice & actually didn’t tell her that she was making the behaviors worse.  Maybe she read my blog and thought that was what I was saying.  Oh well.   I really hate to know how her child is doing.  I pray she listened to someone and her child is doing better than he was doing.


  1. aspermum says:

    You’re right. If you have met one person with autism, you have met one person with autism. We are all different, that’s why it’s called a spectrum. As for parents making it worse, you’ve got the nail on the head – spot on. As much as we love our children and try to do the right thing if we overreact or put to much pressure on them to be ‘normal’ it doesn’t help them. There is no point forcing a child into a situation they can’t deal with and then getting upset when it doesn’t work. Love them and marvel at them for what they can do and sometimes the hidden gems are then allowed to shine through.

  2. aspermum says:

    I’m autistic and have 3 kids all on the spectrum. Keep posting, please. It does help.

  3. It is the ones with words who have to help the ones without words. Too many of the illusions parents carry around about their children and their child’s limitations/prospects need to be addressed by those who are able to say something about whether such views are realistic or true. Keep on slogging.

  4. Thank you for being strong. And being vocal. do not allow thoose who do not understand to stop you from helping people such as myself who have struggled (with forcing myself into neurotypical norms). it doesn’t work out for some of us. especially with a broken home and struggles growing up.

    For some of us, blogs and advocate tweets are the only times we get to feel like a community, thank you.

  5. John nicholson says:

    I’m a 67 year old male with Aspergers. The only reason I know that I have Aspergers is that I worked for a few years with people with learning disabilities and Autism.
    In the course of doing my job I had to work with various professionals who came to assess clients. That is how I learned about Aspergers and the tests which were available. I identified very strongly with the Aspergers profile and took the tests myself because testing is not available for people of my age. The tests results were positive and indeed higher than the average.
    I always knew that I was different and had great difficulty in socialising, my life has been like living in a bubble in a social sense. I tried to find out more information but althhough there is some good information there is not enough out there.
    The reason for my post is just to say that children who have Aspergers and Full Autism need help and understanding and people to champion their cause. So please don’t be put off by others who don’t understand or the ones who think that Aspergers is not serious enough. Believe me it can be very serious at times with depression and other associated side affects.
    There can be a lot of positives but also a lot of unseen negatives.
    It’s too late for people of my generation to do anything about it but with the right knowledge people with the condition could channel the energies in the right direction and transform lives.
    Please keep posting for the sake of the children.

  6. Oh how Autism Moms love to label me ‘high-functioning’ because I’m different from their child – ignoring that not only am I Autistic, but from what I’ve gleamed from their narcissistic ‘worship me as an almighty warrior mom’ ramblings I’ve deduced that I was ‘more autistic’ than their precious child when I was that age.

    Sure now I function better than many neurotypical people I know, by some miracle I live on my own without any support what-so-ever, I held down a job for a while (granted I’m now long-term unemployed, have no friends, and still suffer in various ways). But I was the child who was non-verbal until I was seven years old, there was never a moment in the company of others I didn’t experience a meltdown, I soiled my pants into my teens because I couldn’t make my brain understand to use the bathroom, I couldn’t bathe myself, I was the child in the hospital on drips because I was unable to eat solid foods due to sensory issues, I was the kid who dressed in layers even in summer so often passed out with headaches and dehydration, I was the child my mother was stuck with because everyone refused to babysit me as I ‘freaked them out’, I was the child who’d bite you and myself if you’d dared to even look my way…but nope, according to so many people I’m ‘not autistic enough’ to know what it’s like.

  7. Jordan's Mom says:

    Oh, I GET IT. My son is high functioning…and for most who don’t “know”, they would never guess. But yes, he’s Autistic.
    Having someone tell me he “needs more discipline” or I need to be a “stricter mom”…or my FAVORITE, “But, he looks just perfectly normal to me!” (And THAT IMBICLE was his biological father.)
    I makes you want to scream, it makes you want to hit something (or someone) HARD!
    And makes you, as his mom, all the more cognizant that the struggle, for him, is REAL. And scared that there is never going to be a world where he can be accepted as perfect, just the way he is.
    Bright. Intelligent. Witty. Funny. Charismatic. Artistic. Caring.
    Because he is all these things….and more.

  8. That was very touching I am not a parent of an autistic child but people should be happy when one offers comfort. As far as the person who said you or your child not autistic enough I wonder what qualifies someone being autistic enough. I deal with autistic children every day @ different levels they are all special and unique in their own way and I love and cherish everyone of them and feel blessed for the time I spend with them. Do not let one bad apple spoil the whole bunch keep giving your thoughts and tips gonna reach and help someone sooner or later. Thank you

  9. Hi Neo,
    I can’t remember having read any of your previous blogs, so this one may be the first and oh … it hit home.
    To begin with: I’m very sorry for you getting ‘flack’ from people after you wrote that particular blog you mention. I don’t understand why people (autistic and non-autistic alike) are willing to hurt each other, one can be honest and yet stay polite and respectful, without ány intention to hurt the other one. (ah, thóse were the days, I’m glad I lived through them as well as living in the present. 😉 )
    Secondly: I’m (still) guilty of thinking in terms of “But his or hér autism is far worse than mine! At least I live on my own, I don’t have meltdowns (tho I don’t know exactly how meltdowns are supposed to bé), I’ve hardly got any sensory issues, I studied and worked as a nurse and a scrub-nurse and hey, I dó have lunch with friends, and they will never notice I’m autistic”. Yes, I ONLY Judge regarding me, myself and I, never to anyone else.
    and since the people I tell I’m diagnosed as being autistic tell me time and time again I simply cán’t be, because … and then all the reasons I tell myself come up again, and I feel like a fraud, to the point I’m now going for a second opinion, I just nééd to be extra sure. (or not, whatever comes out)
    Why am I telling you this? Well, I assume you felt júst as bad when you got cussed out by this particular parent as I do for cussing out myself, and I don’t wish that on anyone.
    For what it’s worth: I dó hope you kept on writing régularly despite what happened to you (haven’t checked that out yet, my fingers started typing on their own already before I could do so 😉 ), because I líke your way of writing …. it’s honest. My kinda thing.
    Have a good weekend.
    Jos. (the Netherlands)

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