This whole week has been so emotional and all of these blog posts and discussions and arguments. It has been so draining, at least for me. I did not start blogging for this. I came here for support and to support other parents. But we can’t do that if we are fighting.
I was starting to accept why someone would say something like I hate Autism or Autism sucks. I have actually been there before and wrote a post about how we need to cheer each other on and enjoy the scenery, no matter where we are in the journey. But my mind started to go elsewhere and I was starting to get offended by words. I was trying to ask questions and some people very nicely answered my questions. But wow I also got some anger unleashed on me. Which I feel straight to my core and I just don’t need that. It was actually very upsetting to me which I don’t know maybe that is because of my autism. One of the comments was about how I clearly high functioning and I had to chuckle about that statement as I was trying to painfully navigate my way through the kitchen this morning on a “simple task”. I have read lots of great posts about what is high functioning really mean and then I started to think about maybe I shouldn’t be involved in these discussions. But really everyone is right, we all have different experiences and we all have different emotions attached to these experiences. I get it, I really do. I remember when my son was having extreme behaviors. If I was blogging then who knows what I would have said!
And then I opened twitter. Last night I had tweeted about how I was waiting for exhaustion to set in for my son so that I could go to bed. He had actually stayed up the night before and was now well past the point of exhaustion. But he wouldn’t eat, he wouldn’t take his pills, he wouldn’t sleep, he was just starting to rage. I was working with him and got him settled but knew I couldn’t go to bed until he was asleep. This morning I read someone’s response telling me to try Melatonin. I smiled, that is what I would tell another parent too. But our sleep issues here are much more complex and how I wish a melatonin pill were the answer. I thanked them and explained in 140 characters that he takes trazadone but I do take melatonin.
Because I was/am tired and all of the crap already processing in my head I almost ended the tweet with #Iloveautism or #gottaloveautism. But I meant it kind of sarcastically. And then I had a Sheldon moment would I need to say “That’s sarcasm” but then I thought wait, what if everyone started saying “I love autism” in a snarky way instead of “I hate autism” when they were having a bad moment.
I guess do with this information what you want. I just really hope that the fighting ends. Tomorrow begins Autism Awareness month or Autism Acceptance month and notice we can’t even agree on that. Although really the month should be called. “Give us the damn services and respect we (autistics &/or our autistic kids) deserve Month”
We all need to find a way to support each other. We all need support, not anger from other people within the community.
Update: Or apparently today begins the month of “Give us the damn services and respect we (autistics &/or our autistic kids) deserve Month” I promise to have less rambling post tomorrow but I had to get this out of my head. And sorry didn’t know today was April 1. April Fools! I seriously need more coffee.